๐๐๐ญ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐ค ๐๐ฒ ๐๐๐๐ค๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐๐ข๐ค๐จ
I saw the WhatsApp status of One of our distinguished gentlemen in The Menโs Book Breakfast, Victor Mailu from Atlas Copco. He shared a photo he had taken in the book. I got interested in the book, and I promised to campaign to men to purchase the book and read it.
When I first saw the title of this book, it got my attention and I first laughed because I was a culprit of telling my fellow men โLet Me Call You Backโ and most time I forgot to call back.
Well, until I picked it up. This book is a masterpiece work of Biko's best work, yet.
Biko has this thing with writing. It's like words come to him begging to be put together and he knows what to do with them. He then throws in the humor. It's a book to read in one sitting, but I did it in 10 days because it's therapy. It was speaking to me. I had a lot of mixed reactions and feelings as I read each page.
The first thing that Biko brings out is how much we tie our dignity and humanity to what we do in terms of professional careers, rather than who we are. Most of us explain what we do to answer the question of who we are.
When Samora loses his engineering job, he loses his dignity and identity. As the ghost of unemployment strips, him naked, it takes away what he also thought he was and what he had: friendships, relationships, family, and marriage.
In the words of Professor Bitange Ndemo "When you lose your job, your phone literally stops ringing".
Secondly, the key thing is therapy. And especially men and therapy. Our definitions of friendships too as men. When life changes, we get angry and start asking questions. We get angry with ourselves and suddenly, everything and everyone is irritating to you.
Because of his ego, Samora deems it fit to live a lie for months rather than lose his dignity as a "man" and ask for help. A female friend is brutally honest with him, but a male friend is better off taking him out for drinks, rather than talking about anything but the elephant in the room. It takes real courage, especially for a man, to take up therapy. We all need therapy.
๐๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐๐ง, ๐๐จ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ โ๐๐ฅ๐จ๐ฌ๐ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐๐ง๐๐ฌโ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ก๐๐ง๐ ๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐๐๐ก๐๐ฏ๐ข๐จ๐ซ ๐จ๐ซ ๐๐ก๐๐ซ๐๐๐ญ๐๐ซ? ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฒ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐๐, ๐๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฒ ๐ช๐ฎ๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ง?
Lies catch up. It's easier and less costly to tell the truth, even your truth. It's always good to remember that rock bottom has a basement.
The story of Samora truly got under your skin and crawled deep into my nerves. He unbelievably failed and somehow kept on falling. Oh, how livid he made me. He lived in deceit, covered himself in lies, and lived in those lies until he buried himself in them.
But at some point, I related to Samora's fear of shame. You know, when you hit rock bottom, mortification is a cloth that brands your inner being, the foundation of who you are as a human being is rocked!
'๐๐๐ญ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐ค' will not give you the happy ending that we all desire in books, it gives you an ending that leaves you contemplating, the question, 'What the heck is this life?โ. oscillating your belief system, relationships, friendships, and values that have informed your existence. This book will make you laugh, it will make you empathize (not mostly with Samora) but with the reality it seeps.
"You keep worrying about these things and they make you sick with worry; they invade your body like a disease. But when all of these worries come to pass, you are struck by how disappointing it is that all these things you worry about don't kill you."
๐ ๐ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐จ๐จ๐ค ๐ 6-๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ซ ๐ซ๐๐ฏ๐ข๐๐ฐ.
Thank you to Nuria Bookstore, for the book ๐๐๐ญ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐ค
A very great book by Jackson Biko